Wrecks of Oregon

2007-04-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

CALL ME A REDNECK...I RECKON THAT I AM...

(CHARLIE DANIELS)

Hey I'm back...Wow, been watching the news and I can't believe how the familys of the Virginia Tech victims must be feeling today. A friend of mine went there, but graduated last year. On a side note, there were a bunch of copy-cat threats at several different schools today. I've got two words for the idiots making those threats. PUBLIC CANING. Some people just need some sense beat into them. As a second best, I'd be willing to turn my mama loose on them with a switch. It's effective for curing some nonsense...trust me.

The other issue I'm taking with the "news" is the focus on gun control. I remember when the Lubys cafeteria shooting went down. My roommate at the times dad was an ex-cop, and I remember him saying "If my dad had been there, that wouldn't have happened". That's because Mr B doesn't leave his house without his trusty Sig Sauer. If I was a liberal (or if my brain had withered to the size of a dried pea) I would be hoping like anything nobody would mention gun control. I mean, this place HAD gun control. That's why feces for brains knew beyond a doubt he'd be the only one in the house with a gun until the cops got there. That's a lot of opportunity for a crazy person, and guess what New York Times, there's some crazy people out there. Y'all should know, check the payroll. You know the scariest part just hit me this morning. Here's a pristine example of the position these no-brain liberals would have the whole blame country in given half a chance. Here in the South we call it SITTING DUCKS. No thanks. I'm going to have to side with Ted Nugent on this one... Cocked, locked, and ready to rock doc. Right on...

2007-02-18T07:22:00.000-08:00

Barack Hussein Obama

Just in case anybody thought I was a fan of this moron...So I was listening to the radio the other day and heard sound clips of Obama addressing a college crowd, stating that we are in a war that should never have been waged, and that to date, over three thousand American lives have been "wasted". Well pardon me sir, I've always believed that opposing dictators, defending freedom, and PROTECTING OUR OWN, was a noble cause. I will continue to believe that those lives were GIVEN by selfless heroes, something you obviously know nothing about. I will also continue to believe that for one person to OWN another person is intrinsically immoral. Our own Civil War got pretty bloody from what I've read. Was it worth it? There's a reason the good folks in Holland doesn't all speak German. Should Americans have just minded their own business? You want the troops to come home tomorrow. I want them to WIN. Would you rather fight terrorists in Atlanta, and Houston, and Seattle? Brilliant!

2007-02-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

AL GORE LIED...PEOPLE DIED

Hey, here's an inconvenient truth for ya, it's been freezing here in the great state of Tennessee for nearly a month. I heard on the radio that seven people across the country have died from the severe cold. They are predicting snow for tomorrow night. The way I see it, snow has it's place...in the mountains. Ok, maybe on the ground Christmas morning if you must. I actually heard a guy talking about the ice storms in Oklahoma and blaming it on "global warming". Did I miss something? Granted it's been a while, but I was sure I passed science class, and I don't remember any mention of "warming" producing FREEZING.

2007-02-04T12:28:00.000-08:00

WINTER VACATION

So I had a few days off between jobs and I decided to head over to the Smokey Mountains for a long weekend. I booked a "cabin" online and headed over Thursday morning. Now it's hard to tell a lot about a place online as it turns out. The "cabin" turned out to be more like a upscale A-frame apartment in a upscale A-frame apartment community. The "wooded view" was breathtaking until you looked past the woods at the totally run down trailer park with garbage literally spilling down the other side of the "valley". Overall it was very relaxing but by this morning I was having serious computer withdrawals and approaching boredom. I think next time I take a trip I'll head out west and see some PEOPLE...

2007-01-31T16:55:00.000-08:00

JOE BIDEN...AND ANOTHER REASON TO DESPISE THIS IDIOT

I first became aware of Joe Biden (Dem. Delaware) last summer. He seemed to be on the PBS weekend news all the time. At every opportunity, he would run down the current administration, and I'm sure he used the term "failed policy" more than Eddie Murphy used the other f-word in all of the eighties. He never seemed to have any plan, he was just really good at running down the president. So today, after just recently announcing his run for presidency, he really steps in it. When asked about Barack Obama, he said and I quote, “I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,” he said. “I mean, that’s a storybook, man.” WHAT????? Can you imagine what Kanye West and Jesse Jackson would do if President Bush had said that? It's crazy! What, does Condoleezza Rice look dirty? Does Colin Powell strike you as unintelligent? I have black friends who I happen to know bathe every day. Clean??? What's next senator, fried chicken and watermelon? Way to go you ignorant, condescending bigot. I find that offensive, and I don't even like Obama. He's inexperienced and a democrat. But that's just me...

2007-01-28T08:37:00.000-08:00

CLASSIC CAR PIC

I've always been a fan of classic Chevrolets and stuff.

2007-01-27T12:48:00.000-08:00

HUMEROUS PIC FROM A BASS FORUM

Saw this pic at a bass player forum site. It was titled "Why I Hate Country Music" Hi, my name is Kenny Chesney.

Too funny. I'm not sure Waylon Jennings would have considered that "country" music anyway...

2007-01-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

PET PEEVES PT.1

So I found myself sitting in an orientation meeting the other day. Out of ten people, three of them felt obligated to chew and pop their chewing gum as if to the keep the world turning. I can't think I'm the only person in the world who finds this incredibly annoying. I mean, it's like eating with your mouth wide open but better. At least when your eating something, eventually you swallow it and the suffering ends. Gum, on the other hand, can last for hours. I'd rather sit next to someone with bad breath and BO smoking a cheap damp cigar and blowing smoke in my general direction, than have my central nervous system attacked by that incessant chomp/pop noise. Am I over reacting??? I just can't think of anything that says I have bad manners and no class better than eating with your mouth open for three hours, but that's just me. Yes, party of one for the non gum popping section please...

2007-01-21T16:06:00.000-08:00

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Ok, admittedly it might well be the question of the week. Recently you might have noticed that I'm (once again) running low on clever things to post about... So, I read a motivational book a while back and it had a great question: What would you do if you could do anything, and not possibly fail? I've made a (probably) really annoying habit of asking people this question, and some of the responses would suprise you. For instance, one guy I knew thought he would want to be a mystery shopper and I'm thinking, hey dude, I'm pretty sure you could be living the dream right now! Another guy I worked with made the point that he hated books like that and that they obviously didn't work because I had read then and we worked at the same place. Yeah, a little harsh and equally hard to argue. So feel free to share away while I come up with a sensible post...

2007-01-13T15:36:00.000-08:00

NANCY PELOSI...AGAIN

Did anybody else catch that story on the Drudge Report? Classic Nancy Pelosi. Apparently, she's all for the minimum wage increase, and helping everyone in general, unless it's some big company she keeps in her pocket. As it turns out, everybody working for minimum wage in California gets a two dollar an hour raise except the good folks working at a tuna plant in her hometown of San Fransisco. However, a spokesperson for Ms. Pelosi assured everyone that the speaker had not been lobbied by the compnay in any way. So don't think that...

2007-01-07T12:35:00.000-08:00

LIBERAL UHHH LOGIC

I was watching the news last weekend, and they were showing a small group of idiots, I mean people, protesting the war. Apparently the troop death toll is now up to 3000 and there were 3000 people killed in the World Trade Center, so all the troops should give up immediately and come home. So help me out here. What if all crime was fought this way? If a serial killer is loose in my city, he's killed four people, and then he kills four cops, the police force should just give up trying to get the guy. Right? I mean, you have your matching number and besides it's just too dangerous and somebody could get hurt. Brilliant!

2007-01-06T10:35:00.000-08:00

IMMIGRATION IRONY

So the local city paper here ran a cover story a couple weeks ago, that talked about how the largest percent of drunk driving accidents involved intoxicated illegal immigrants. Then yesterday, I heard on the local news radio that Mexican community leaders felt that they were being unfairly tageted with roadblocks in parts of town with a large mexican population. They're upset that after arrests are made, the immigration status is being investigated as well and illegals are being prosecuted. Wow, the nerve. I mean, the schools are free, the healthcares free, you don't have to pay taxes, Nancy Pelosi is going to let you vote (as long as you promise to vote for a democrat), and now these mean cops aren't going to let you cruise around town hammered??? That does sound unfair...

2007-01-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year everybody!!! According to my hit counter, "everybody" is like 1.5 persons per day, who stay for 8 seconds and then say oops, or something now. I don't mean to brag, it's just a fact.

I'm looking forward to a new year with more optimism than I can remember in the last few. Not really sure why, but I'll take it. I was watching Joel Osteen yesterday afternoon and he made an interesting analogy. The reason the windshield on your car is so much bigger than the rear view mirror is because where you're going is that much more important than where you've been. He also reminded that, it's not where you start in life , but where you finish. The new year always seems like a good time to make positive changes and, unlike the Titans yesterday, I'm going to focus on finishing strong. Oh, and I'm going to post more and get my numbers up to maybe three people a day that stop by and say uhhh what? and move on...

2006-12-30T16:36:00.000-08:00

6 WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

So I've been assigned this mission of posting six weird things about me...

1. I am usually fifteen minutes late to anything because, due to my paranoia of fire, I have to go through my house at least 17 times each morning to make sure everything in the house is unplugged. I have thought about making a checklist, but what's the fun in that? Also I have wondered, do you think a smoke detector has ever shorted out actually CAUSING a fire???

2. I've always been about as lucky as a black cat crossing your path after you broke a mirror and one of those chain e-mails, and yet, moving half was across the country to pursue a one in a zillion shot at being a successfull recording artist seemed like a really good idea at the time.

3. After 13 years of living in Tennessee the terms "fixin' too", "all y'all", and "might could" sound like completely good English, but Jeff Foxworthy isn't as funny because it sounds like he's talking totally normal.

4. They say that flying is safer than driving but I don't buy it. The whole concept of flying is totally unnatural and anybody that thinks they really are in control of a plane is a much more optimistic person than I am.

5. Horses give me the willys too. I went horseback riding one time and one time only. When riding on the back of a horse, you are in control of nothing. They will do whatever they want regardless of how much you yank on the reign things and eventually will throw you off probably breaking your neck. I'll take a motorcycle any day. You might still end up dead, but at least it's you own fault.

6. I really think that if I won the lottery I'd still eat a lot of fast food. I mean, I'd probably order a lot of extra cheese, but I'd still love the double whopper.

2006-12-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Hasn't seemed much like Christmas time here in Tennessee with highs in the 70's for the last week, but no complaints. I realize it's a little early, but with me not being able to think of anything else to post, and it looking like a busy week, it seemed like a good time to wish y'all a safe and Merry Christmas.

2006-12-07T16:52:00.000-08:00

THURSDAYS MUSINGS...

So I'm having a turkey pot pie and I'm thinking about that lady on the news that sued Kraft foods because there was only .9 percent avocado in their guacamole dip. I've had that dip and it's pretty good. Hey guess what lady, in case you don't remember, strawberry Crush was a lot better before they added the real strawberry juice. I hope she doesn't start in on Swanson foods, because these things are delicious, and I'm pretty sure its just turkey and vegetables and what not. I'd hate to see them taken off of the market because there wasn't enough "pot" in them as stated...

2006-12-03T15:07:00.000-08:00

CAREER TEST

So out of sheer boredom, and too much time on my hands, I've been avoiding mowing my yard one last time before it's frozen solid, by taking career aptitude tests. Basically they ask a bunch of questions about what you like and dis-like and then tell you what you'd probably like in a job. They descided I was a creative/analytical, which is probably career day talk for "unemployable schizophrenic who never finishes anything". The top suggestion was being an architect. Yeah, that would be swell if I had ten years or so to take off work and go back to school. My favorite was number five. Musician. They list the salary as 40-60 thousand dollars a year. Now I don't know what parallel universe these people live in, but if the word gets out to the guys making fifty dollars a night down on lower Broadway things are going to get ugly. I think I'm just going to keep taking the test until I can think like a CEO.

BTW, If you haven't already, go by RT's and wish her a Happy Birthday (this means you Ssssteve, I think y'all are the last two people reading this nonsense)

2006-11-30T17:13:00.000-08:00

DANNY DEVITO...THE "FUN DRUNK"

So Danny Devito comes on "The View" liquored up like a boyscout leaving a Neverland slumber party, and today they describe him as a "fun drunk". Yeah, he's funny like Mel Gibson when he gets all hopped up on the felony juice. He was rambling on about a past visit to the Whitehouse back when it had "that Clinton feeling". I've never been to the Whitehouse but I would have to assume he's taking about that classy feeling you get in an hourly rate motel. He went on and on about him and his wife "utilizing" every area of the Lincoln bedroom. Who knew thats where they keep the presidential step-stool collection...Then to top it off he calls the current President numb nuts. Whoo that's hysterical, I can't stop laughing because he's so funny. Too bad he wasn't bigger, then he could be a bigger idiot...

2006-11-29T16:36:00.000-08:00

NANCY PELOSI,

THIS IS YOUR BUTT AND THIS IS A HOLE IN THE GROUND. PLEASE STUDY HARD AND FIGURE OUT WHICH IS WHICH BEFORE WE'RE ALL IN HOLES IN THE GROUND, YOU IGNORANT BUFFOON.

Great news out of the middle east today. I saw on CNN where, according to house speaker Nancy Pelosi, there is no Al-Qaeda in Iraq. Well I don't know about you but that's a huge relief for me. Those terrorists were getting to be a little annoying. The puzzling part was she went on to say she was dissapointed in "George Bushs' Iraq". Did I miss something? Did Bush finally break down and buy that dump? I didn't know it was his. And besides, if there really is no Al-Qaeda there, he's clearly done a top notch job of driving the weaslly illegitmates out of there. I mean, everybody with a pea for a brain, who's not smoking "I'm the new speaker of the house" crack, knows the place was chock-full of them up until ummm, today I guess. Probably she's already planning a nice parade and marking the calendar as George W. Bush day. Probably...

2006-11-28T17:01:00.000-08:00

DENNIS MILLER

So I spent the weekend in Louisville with my cousins JoeCool, Ssssteve, and Pinhead. Every time I hang out with those guys I get homesick. Guess that's better than getting arrested... Probably everyone already knows this, but we were watching some show and Dennis Miller was commenting and actually making sense. I guess every since 9-11 he has become somewhat of a conservative. I've always thought he was funny and loved his old weekend update thing. Anyway, I've been reading quotes all day and laughing til my face hurts. Thought I'd share my top five that I can post for a family audience (yes both of you). Ladies and gentlemen...Dennis Miller

5."Online search engine leader Google has unveiled a new feature that will enable its users to zoom in on homes and businesses using satellite images. It's really the perfect service for the stalker or terrorist on a budget."

4."Britney Spears announced on her website this week that she and husband Kevin Federline are expecting a child. . .Spears says she hopes that the baby is just like Federline, except a lot less dependent on her."

3."There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh."

2."On Tuesday, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales urged lawmakers to make permanent all 15 expiring provisions of the Patriot Act. Gonzalez claims that the government has never used the Patriot Act's power of secret warrants to obtain library, bookstore, medical, or gun store records. So if you're a terrorist bookworm with colon polyps who loves AK-47's, this is your day."

1."Hey folks, let's cut to the chase on illegal immigration. A recent study shows that the number of illegal immigrants in this country jumped to 11 million over the past few years, which basically means if our nation's borders were any more violated, they'd be guests at Neverland Ranch."

Kinda gives me hope for Norm Macdonald...

2006-11-22T17:35:00.000-08:00

PAUL THORN

"I HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERY NOW AND THEN"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bk3WLyVQ9rM

2006-11-22T17:05:00.000-08:00

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

My theme song the last couple of years is by a guy named Paul Thorn. The chorus says "I have a good day every now and then/I count my blessings on one hand/I start believing the sun will shine again/I have a good day every now and then". But on Thanksgiving eve I find myself thinking of all the the things I'm thankful for, and it's a lot more than on one hand, but here's my top five.

1. The Good Lord still loves me even when I don't always know why.

2. I don't want to say my familys more awesome than yours, but well, they are...

3. My dog jumps up and down like it's Christmas morning every time I come home.

4. I live in a country where I can do and be whatever I want, if I find enough motivation...

5. You can still catch a break as a songwriter long after you're too old to be the artist...and the songwriters get paid first.

2006-11-18T15:01:00.000-08:00

NOW IT'S SATURDAY...

Yeah, I think I've set a new low for lame titles. Truth is, I've been too lazy to post much as of late and I'm way low on good ideas. That, and I spend far too much time on myspace feeding my unfeigned narcissism. I do get a kick out of people on there that post messages for Alan Jackson to come to their site and check out their music. Does anybody really think that Alan Jackson rolls out of bed first thing in the morning and thinks, man I've got to go check and see if I have any new friends I can help on myspace? The music business sucks too. I mean, if you spent 15 years trying to become a doctor, eventually they'd let you be one even if you weren't that good. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. I just can't believe Alan Jackson hasn't written me back yet...

2006-11-15T17:07:00.000-08:00

SO IT'S WEDNESDAY

No seriously, that's about all I have for today. Still trying to find my usual sense of optimism after the nightmare of an election we just witnessed. So I'm thinking today, I think I need to go to a gun safety class and get a carry permit. Wouldn't that be ironic. I feel a little unprotected with a bunch of day-dreaming hippies, who seem to believe that the President is our biggest enemy, running the security of my country. So by their own lack of making me feel like they know who to look out for, they put one more redneck with a gun under his coat out on the street. Yep, that sounds like a plan...

2006-11-11T15:08:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VETERANS DAY!

And a special thanks to all those serving and the ones who have served before. Real Americans appreciate your sacrifices and couldn't be more proud of you. Oh, and we know you're not stupid too...

2006-11-08T16:15:00.000-08:00

WHAT??? WHERE ARE WE GOING, AND WHY ARE WE IN THIS GIANT HANDBASKET?

Wow, talk about winning a battle and losing a war... So we got our real Republican voted in here, over the Democrat in sheeps clothes, but apparently everywhere else across the country the good people woke up, ate a giant bowl of idiot flakes, and washed it down with a tall glass of "lets flush America down the toilet" juice. Unbelievable. And to those geniuses that voted Democrat so there would be "checks and balances", let me break it down for you like this. That's about as brainy as hiring one pedophile per day care center so that one group of kids isn't more likely to get molested than another. Sadly, the real losers aren't Republicans or Conservatives. It's Americans across the board. With the best of intentions (maybe) they have handed over a huge amount of power to a bunch of spineless flower children that have done nothing to convince me that they think this country is the greatest country in the world. They don't believe it's worth fighting for or defending, and that's not what I generally look for in leadership, but thats just me... Oh, and if you didn't already think that CNN was part of the "get Democrat votes machine", did you notice anything missing there today? Yep, you got it, not one word about meth and gay sex with televangelists. I guess the story isn't relevant when you've already won. Hmmm. Imagine that.

So on the bright side, I think if I have any money left from the coming tax increases, I'll start looking for some land out in the desert where I can hole up and wait out the next 9-11 after Homeland Security goes to crap. I should be able to make a pretty good living working at Taco Bell once the minimum wage is up to $30 an hour and if not, maybe there will be some entitlements for an unknown singer/songwriter. They do love "the arts" you know...

2006-11-07T17:06:00.000-08:00

ELECTION DAY

So I got up an hour early to go vote today. As those who know me can attest, it takes quite a lot to get me up early for anything. Still waiting to see how our senate race turns out but at least the annoying ads are over... We basically had a democrat trying to out-conservative the republican. It occured to me standing in the 40 min. line that if Harold Ford really believed all the things he said while he was campaigning (pro-life, pro-guns, for smaller government, lower taxes, homeland security, loves Jesus more than republicans...) he couldn't really fundamentally be a democrat in the first place. But thats just me...we'll see.

2006-11-01T17:22:00.000-08:00

WHY AM I SUCH A HATER???

So, I'm driving home tonight and I'm following a car with a bumper sticker that said "I support the separation of church and hate". From the other various other stickers, I assume the driver of the car was a supporter of gay marriage. So I'm asking myself, why does somebody come to the conclusion that because I fundamentally disagree with them that I hate them? When I was married, the wife and I went out to dinner with an old friend of hers and his "life partner" we had a blast sharing stories about a particular theme park that we had all worked at at different times. They didn't make out at the table and we didn't either. Everybody got along just fine. Why is it that if you are pro-life you're assumed to be an abortion clinic picketing hater? In my own circle of friends I know four couples that have had the opportunity to become a family through adopting kids. I don't hate people that have had abortions, I just don't think it's the best choice. On a side note, why doesn't the "keep your laws off my body" mantra work for he ladies that are willing to rent out the interesting parts?...just a hypothetical...really. The only conclusion I've come to is that the left only see's right wingers as they see themselves. Have you ever met an athiest who is cool with you NOT being one? I have not. So using that logic I've come to the conclusion that everyone who is pro-choice hates children and secretly wishes they were all dead. Am I wrong?

2006-10-29T16:13:00.000-08:00

NASCAR UPDATE

Hey Ssssteve, did you happen to catch the Atlanta race today? That whiney old #20 displayed his superior driving skills once again to win by about a half a mile ahead of that guy that looks like the super clean cut guy from Montgomery/Gentry. Just wanted to pass that along in case you missed it. I'm tellin' ya, he turns left real good.

2006-10-25T04:49:00.000-07:00

JOKE FROM THE E-MAIL BAG

Ok, I won't make a habit of recycling material, but thought this was pretty funny. Here ya go Andy and thanks to KJ for a forward I can share with a family audience....

Subject: NEWS RELEASE Just Released-

Agenda for the Democratic National Convention for 2008:

7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning.

7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N.

7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton.

8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging.

8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding-- Barney Frank Presiding.

8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan-- Susan Sarandon.

9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender-- French President Jacques Chirac

9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.

9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund

9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay - Sean Penn

9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton

9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presented Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore

9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

10:00 P.M. How George bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean

10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahmadinejad

11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet

11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War criminals-- John Kerry

11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Rodham Clinton

12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast

12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home

2006-10-22T17:49:00.000-07:00

ELECTIONS

Is anybody else ready for the elections to be over already? I know there are important issues and all but the ads are driving me crazy. Why do they always say they approve the message at the end? Well no kidding...this ad makes me sound like an angel and I approve this message. Ya don't say. I want to run an ad too. It'd be like, I'm wrecksE and if you elect me I'll cure cancer and aids, nobody will ever be poor again, everybody will always have a good hair day, all the good people around the world will descide we're swell and they love us, gasoline will be free, hurricanes will cease to exist, your team (or your driver as long as it's Tony) will always win, and I'll vote for one free Harley per household. Oh, and my opponent is a total loser. I'm wrecksE and I approve this message.

2006-10-18T18:16:00.000-07:00

WHY I DON'T HAVE CABLE TV

First of all, I really don't watch that much tv. Second of all, I have the netflix and get movies delivered to my mailbox, which is good, because theres nothing worse than going to see a movie in public just to have the annoyance of a bunch of idiots crunching snacks in your ear. I hate that!!! So the other day I get this flyer in the mail advertising this new cable special. Now I have very few interests and a short attention span. There are not many channels that I really want to watch, but I'm checking it out to see if it's time to upgrade to the new century. The basic package has a couple channels I like but to get the two or three other channels I want, I have to upgrade to the $1000 a month package that comes with 15 Spanish channels, 3500 home shopping channels, and a bunch of chick-flick all day all night channels. Why the crap don't they just let me pick 15 channels I'll actually watch? I'd pay three times as much per channel and be a happy guy. Can you imagine if a restaurant ran this way??? It'd be like, I want a steak, a salad, a baked potato, and a sweet tea. And they'd say, oh we have all those items sir. The steak is 528.99 and it comes with a yoga class, a snowboard, and some knitting needles. The salad is 237.77 and comes with some bubble bath, fresh flowers, and a box of sanitary napkins. The baked potato is 219.89 and you'll be pleased to know it comes with a workout video, a small pony, and 47 music cd's in Spanish. The sweet tea is award winning. Its 13.35 and comes with a bathtub full of gin, a record player, and plans to build your own experimental aircraft. That'll be a thousand dollars sir, please enjoy your meal.

2006-10-15T04:34:00.000-07:00

I'M GOING TO BRAG ABOUT MY DAD TODAY...FEEL FREE TO JOIN IN.

So it's been ten years today since my dad went to what he would have called is "long home". That's heaven for anybody unfamiliar with the King James Version ;) I don't mean to bring anybody down, I just want to take a minute to remember the best man (in my maybe not so humble opinion) that ever graced the planet since the Big Man left Jerusalem. Ten years, in some ways it seems like a week ago and other times it feels like another lifetime. I remember thinking that day, that nothing would ever be exactly right again. Dad was a preacher, but never a manipulator. He was an example of how to live when everybodys watching, and when nobody else would ever know. He'd advise you to put family first, and then show you what that looks like. He was the most Christ-like person I've ever met, and still had a sense of humor (there really should be more of that). He didn't have a bunch of degrees to hang on a wall, he just loved people so much it changed their lives. I remember one night we had finished doing our part to make PDX a little cleaner (one office at a time) and we had a flat tire on the van. I made the comment that when I got rich and famous I was going to buy him a new work van. I still remember that grin in his eye when he said that maybe by then he'd just prefer a comfortable car. Good call cause he'd still be waiting. I remember ragging on him for eating twinkies and him saying, whats the point of living forever if can't have anything you like to eat. Good point. The memories live on forever. If you had the good fortune to know the man you probably have some good memories of your own, feel free to share 'em. I'm off to pick up some Dr Pepper and some SuziQ's.

2006-10-08T06:11:00.000-07:00

RESTLESS HEART

I've been a big fan of these guys since the 80's. When we were recording the last cd my buddy, who was producing, got the guitar player to come play on some of my tracks. To say the least, I was a little overwhelmed. So I'm checking out their website and I see he, and the bass player and keyboard player, wrote a new song for a movie soundtrack called "Torch Of Freedom". I'm attaching the video link because it totally blew me away. I love the line "We stand undivided/forever united/fighting hand in hand for the liberty we've earned" I don't think I've ever heard the term "earned liberty" on cnn...not even once. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCm-BjF9hbk

2006-10-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

So I finally got some music posted on my myspace music site. Everyone has been so patient it's as if they really weren't waiting for it at all hmmm... Anyway, if you're into that hillbilly redneck music (and who isn't) feel free to swing by and check it out. I made 'em all up myself. I added a link on the side bar just to make it easy for ya. Feel free to download anything you might like there as its the only way you can get your own copy. I contacted several record stores about carrying the cd and heard the same old crap everytime about how their "99 cent bins were already full". What losers. Also I'll be posting some new demos from a new project I'm starting. Maybe get some input on the ones that get recorded for real. Doesn't that sound like fun? Uhh hello???

2006-10-02T17:50:00.000-07:00

Democrats to save the Children...

So I'm watching a clip from Fox news today. Chris Wallace is interviewing Newt Gingrich and congresswoman Jane Harman, a democrat from California, about the Mark Foley scandal. So I'm sitting there thinking I know this chick is going to have some smack down for the pervy republican but what could it possibly be? I mean, it can't be because he's gay, they're fighting for his right to marry another dude if he wants to. It can't be deviant behaviour, thats some kind of right wing nonsense. So I wait and am richly amused when she pulls THIS angle. She's a mother and a grandmother, and she's deathly concerned for these poor, vulnerable children. These parents send their children into Washington to be pages and now they have to worry about these predators. The irony seems to have no limit here. Heres a woman that credits her first office victory to a grassroots effort of pro-abortion (I mean choice,) goups, organized labor, and progressive activists. Sounds like the same groups that would be all for allowing a 16-year-old in Oregon go and get an abortion without even telling her parents. Is it that girls mature faster than boys? Is a sixteen year old girl a well adjusted adult fully capable of making life altering (or ending) descisions but a sixteen year old guy flirting with an old man on the instant messenger is a helpless child? Come to think of it I'm not sure which one creeps me out more...but thats just me. At least I can rest a little easier knowing that the lefties are looking out for the "children" Oops I just threw up in my mouth again.

2006-09-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

Confessions of an "Ugly American"

Ok first off don't let the title fool you. I don't wanna brag but I can still clean up ok for what I have to work with ha...It's in reference to an "enlightening" article I read on msn.com entitiled Travel Etiquette Tips: How to Avoid Being an"Ugly American". Now I'm really struggling with the vernacular here but that REALLY urinates me off to no end. I understand what their getting at and I've been out of the country enough times to have seen it first hand. I've been downtown Amsterdam and overheard some (other) rednecks from Alabama talking all loud about finding them some hash and hookers. On a side note, if you're known the world over as an outrageous party city, where you have to really go out of your way to do anything illegal, can you really complain much when the outrageous partiers show up and get a little obnoxious???? Spending their annoying American tourist dollars???? I get the point msn, don't talk loud, don't wear Levis and Nikes, and don't EVER express your opinion about anything... but the patronizing, pandering, political correct factor makes me want to throw up in my mouth. Also, you missed a few spots. How about, How to Avoid Being an "Ugly Arab". Like don't go to America and fly their planes into their bulidings, killing thousands of innocent people because they believe different from you. Americans find this kind of behaviour rude and unacceptable as it goes against their customs. Or how about, How To Avoid Being an "Ugly Mexican". Don't sneak across the border, use the schools and healthcare system, skip out on paying taxes, and expect the National Anthem and the freaking atm's to be in Spanish. Americans find this kind of behaviour rude and unacceptable as it goes against their customs. Where ya at msn, are you with me????? Why don't y'all spread the enlightenment all the way around?

So the more I think about this, I think I'll just stay a little closer to home. I saw some cool, old stuff in Europe, but nothing that moves me like Savannah,Ga. I met some beautiful people across the border but none as memorable as the brunette selling cigars at Bike Week. (To be fair she was originally from russia, but the chaps she wore so well were straight out of south Texas...now, there's some diversity I can celebrate...) and I've had some exhilarating moments off of US soil but none compare to heading out of Key West Fl. the last morning of bike week, rolling onto the seven mile bridge with Harleys as far as you could see in front of or behind you. That ear splitting , straight pipe, oil burning, all American, v-twin rumble just goes to show you that sometimes, being obnoxious is just our way of letting you know we're having a good time. Man, I gotta get me another bike...

2006-09-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

Worst Job In The World

Have you ever wanted to be the President of the United States of America? Fly around on a killer jet, have freeways shut down for you, and be "The Man"? Sounds pretty good at first, but as of the last few years, the job description has become truly staggering. I watch a lot of news and apparently the President is now supposed to be everybodys daddy as well. I mean, if natural disaster should strike and you're the President, its your fault. Not only that, if I should happen to be affected, you owe me a new life, and it had better be better than the last one I had. If you try to tide me over with a couple grand, I will scoff in your general direction and then blow it on strippers and tennis shoes, and you'll owe me still more. Oh, and gas is supposed to be free. And don't give me that propaganda about supply and demand, and don't try to blame the last guy for making sure we can't harvest our own resorces from Alaska and the coast of Florida. I just want the free gas that you owe me...period. And then you have to worry a lot about how the rest of the world thinks of all of us. Apparently everybody hates us...until they have a tsunami or a giant earthquake and then, there they are, with their grubby little hands out for you to give them money until the French Red Cross shows up. And if you don't give enough, you guessed it, it's your fault. Oh snap, this just in, there is no French Red Cross imagine that.

2006-09-23T08:59:00.000-07:00

Southern Hospitality

Hey I'm going to make a post and not complain about anything I've seen on CNN. I think I can do it. So I get a call yesterday from a friend of mine inviting me out to see some live music at "The Farm". I checked my calender, and as luck would have it, I didn't have anything else booked to do for the next year or two, so I said sounds like a plan. I had heard about the place and it was everything I had heard and then some. This retired couple have turned their farm into what looks like a Bonanza set. The guy has built a couple of cabins out of scrap wood and leftovers and they are very cool. The big cabin has a giant front porch that they use as a stage and the soundbooth is in a treehouse. There were tables of snacks and hot dogs to cook on a couple of big fire pits. I hadn't had a camp fire cooked hotdog since I was a kid at one of those right-wing evangelical youth camps where I had my young mind warped into thinking that human decency was something worth trying to preserve in the world. They were better than I remember. I think I'm going to build a fire pit in my back yard. I should have gotten the buddy I went with to manage my music "career" back when I had a small amount of motivation. He was telling the nice people that they should have me out to play so they took my information and we'll see. Might find my niche yet... It's been so long since I've played out, I'd have to re-learn my own tunes. I reakon it's like riding a bike though, I'm sure I can still fall off and skin my knee. At any rate we had a blast. Heard some good music, the weather was perfect, and the people made you feel right at home. Just like it's supposed to be down south here.

And in an unheard of turn of events I'm going to be out of the house two night in a row. I'm going to an outdoor concert to see gospel soul-singer Bryan Duncan. He was always one of my favorites growing up. He has kind of a road diary on his website that I read alot. I don't think you'll find anybody in his position that is so unbelievably honest with their outlook on their life, struggles, career, and themselves. I hope I get a chance to shake his hand and thank him for providing some of the soundtrack to my life, and mostly for not having all the answers. Rock on Bryan D!

2006-09-17T07:12:00.000-07:00

Evolution

I was mowing the grass and thinking about evolution the other day. Seems to me that if I was going to believe that the whole universe was a giant accident I would want it to look a little more accidental. Why does it still take nine months to have a kid? Why hasn't Hillary Clinton turned into a goat? Why haven't I seen any monkeys turn into people? Apparently it's just quit working. Also I would have a problem believing in a theory. I mean they dont call it the theory of gravity its the law of gravity. I've been told on several occasions that I have too much time on my hands and that I don't socialize as much as I should, but I was thinking. If evolution really worked wouldnt owning a farm be a trip? It'd be like, Hey Farmer Brown how's your old sheep dog shep? Oh, that's a real sad story sonny, ole Shep done eevolved into a durn elephant last night. My two ponys turned into unicorns and the milk cow turned into a lion. If we wuz runnin us a circus here we could probably make enough money to get some milk for the baby. Oh, well I see you're building on to the old farm house something must be going well. Yep sonny, thats another problem, three of my hogs done turned in to people of all things. I guess I shoulda butchered em last week cuz now folks would think I was a cannibal. But hey thats just my opinion. I gotta go check on my dog to make sure he's still walking on four legs.

2006-09-17T05:51:00.000-07:00

Redneck Retirement Plan

So I've been very busy of late working on my new retirement plan. I've always been kind of an idea guy. When I was a kid my cousins and I read all the Hardy Boys books. I was Chet. If you're not familier with the literary classics, Chet was the idiot who always had a new idea. My Dad used to say things too me like, have you ever thought about just working for a living? Now thats crazy talk especially to an idea guy. You just need a good opportunity and a plan. I was looking for a good home based business with a minimal investment that didn't really require me to do much on my end, cause that how I roll. Anyway, now that you're on the edge of you're seats, I'm talking of course, about online poker. There are risks, like in any other business, that you can lose everything you start with and then some. You do have to put up some money in a foreign bank. Now some people I know would worry about things like identity theft in a situation like this, but I figure, how screwed up would somebody have to be to want to be me. Also there is a little luck involved. This is another obstacle because my luck, well its never really been what you would call good. I've been reading a lot though and Anthony Robbins always says luck is just opportunity that met preparation. Cross your fingers, I'm all in.

2006-09-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

First up, Rosie O'donnell. So I'm reading that Rosie if more afraid of Christians than terrorists. Just when I thought I'd heard it all. She's lucky, I guess, that she's not afraid of Jewish people or her career would already be over. If there's anything I've learned over the last couple of months you don't want to upset the Jewish community. Now I don't have anything against Jewish people or any other group of law abiding people that aren't out to kill us all for that matter. I don't think what Mel Gibson said was in good taste or at all appropriate. However, it seems to me that in the era of political correctness if you have the urge to run somebody down you can still pick on the Christians. Illegal immigrants are refered to as undocumented or new arrivals so as not to hurt their feelings but Billy Graham is an evangelical wacko. Hey wheres all the open minded tolerance? Where's all the acceptance for everyone even if they're different from you? Guess I'll keep looking. I think Rosie's still just sore that Ellen chose to go to the prom with me instead of her. Watch out Rosie, the Baptists are coming and they have guns.

2006-09-16T15:14:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Wrecks of Oregon. Its not just a place it's a state of mind. So this is my first blog. I'll be commenting on current events, music, the world as I know it and anything else I want to. Feel free to have a difference of opinion and if you don't like what you read you can always get your money back at the door. Also I'm a conservative so if your easily offended by common sense you probably won't like it here a bit. Have a nice day, B-bye